Current mood:

thankful

solitude in company
I haven't been writing much... but I guess I shall write even though it will bore the reader. In the end... it's me who reads them later anyway.

First off...

Congratulations Elly! =D I'm happy you made the dance team and the dance team will be only better cuz a sweetheart like you made it! =D Sad that we lost a flute, but you can't hide the dancer inside, can ya? =)

Roy is HOME! =D I am super happy! So nice to see him after all this time. UCLA trip tomoro.

Anyway...
This weekend, I went to UCI for the Orange County Cup Soccer Tournament. It was harsh. Saturday we had two games, both we won, and then I rushed my ass back home for Youth Group. It was some... weird evening service and I didn't really get much out of it except a new older friend. Hehe. Sunday I had an 8 o'clock game. TOO FREAKING EARLY! Afterwards I made it back to church to see the baptisms and hear some worship songs. The worship team rocks. I love it all! Pastor Craig wants me to play guitar. Meaning, I'll have to practice... but I would love to play guitar for the band. =) Guitar is awesome. Esp the guy playin guitar in the band now. =) We had our championship game at 530 and BEAT GARDEN GROVE 5-1. I scored!! =D Twas a great feeling. I tend to score in championship games. Hehe.

Today I woke up rather late due to the fact that I was on the internet till 130ish the previous night. Woke up and went to eat some filipino food with Pam and Trevor. It was nice catching up. I never knew that Filipino world even existed! Then I took my grandma to bingo and picked up Shin. Spent a lot of time with him tonight just talking. This boy is amazing. He never fails to amaze me everytime we meet. I don't deserve something this good.

After the talk tonight... I have a lot of stuff on my mind, yet I cannot tell nor can I finish my thoughts. What was talked about tonite has to stay with tonite and never be mentioned again. It's hard to leave so many things undone. I guess... it just has to be that way. It gets to boil in my brain... alone. *sigh*

The song "Reason" by Hoobastank is too good to be true. It fills me up and jus.... satisfies my need for something that relates. The reason....... is you.

I should never be let to read back into the pages of my past. Brings back so many old feelings. Makes me wanna cry all over again. Now I feel no need to cry. So I shall put my past behind me and only look toward the future. My future, which is unsteady and as unanswered as those thoughts inside my head. I dread the day my nightmare, my hell... comes true. The day he tells me... is the day my heart will die.

You will never read this, but... I'd rather my heart die... than leave you now. I'd rather crumble into pieces at an airport... than starve my heart of what I've longed for. Don't doubt yourself. I never doubt you.